On the road. In one hour, our house will no longer be ours. Not our home any more.

Home was packed up and driven away in one truck. Seven men, two days. Three lives, one life, in boxes. Fourteenthousandfourhundredandtwenty pounds. Big messy life in neat, quiet boxes. Just so much cardboard and tape holding us together, containing us all.  So many memories flooding back as I walked from room to empty room. We took deep breaths. Many deep breaths. Wiped away our tears. Then we closed the door behind us.

The farther we drive from that place that was our home for so many years, the harder it hurts. The stronger the tug back. These tears cannot be held back. These tears are bitter, stinging tears. Tears of loss as powerful as death.

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I don’t know what is waiting at the end of this highway.  At this moment I can’t see forward, only what is now behind.

I trust in a Divine plan and have faith that God has put us on a path to good, to happy, to better. I don’t know why I have to go so far away and give up so much. Maybe it’s a test of faith. Maybe the reward for faithfulness is at the end of this drive. A rainbow to a pot of gold. Or maybe I’ve misread the signs and this is one fucking huge mistake, one erroneous human decision.  Odds are I’ll never know why my path has taken this turn, but I’m on it now. Too far to turn back, too heartbroken to look forward.

Pray that I find peace when I arrive at my destination. Pray that I can let go of regret and self-doubt. Pray that I find home in my heart so that I can make a home for my child.

I pray to see my family and dear friends very soon. I pray that they don’t forget me as my absence grows longer. I pray for some happy twist of fate that will take us Home again.