So yesterday I pulled the trigger on my first post! WooHoo and Whoop-Whoop for me!

When my loving husband got home from work, he sat down to read this first jewel in my crown of literary genius and fame. I was not without a tinge of trepidation at this, hoping he would maybe chuckle and offer a “nice job” or “I like it” or even “it’s a good start” while knowing he would more likely have “questions” or suggestions.
All I can say is that the man can still surprise me…This time, not in the good way. He had an issue (or three). Now that is totally fine with me. The major one was about paragraph structure.  I went over to the table and as he is explaining his issue, I see that he has already hopped right in and made his suggested corrections RIGHT ON MY POST. Nope, not kidding. He had actually re-typed my shit. Now I’m not at all saying that his point was not well taken. I’m saying HE RETYPED MY STUFF BEFORE EVEN DISCUSSING IT WITH ME.  Can I make the font of RETYPED MY STUFF larger???

Needless to say, I did NOT accept his suggested changes. Quite honestly, at that point even if I had wanted to I would not have accepted his suggested changes. I know. How mature of me, right? Go ahead, make a note of it.

While not in the same spirit, the whole transaction reminded me of all the teachers and bosses I’ve had who felt compelled to put a red mark on a paper/letter/document of mine – somewhere on that piece of paper, on MY WORK. For some reason. Completely random.  Totally subjective. I know you’ve had one. Maybe you ARE one (GASP! If you are, CUT THAT SHIT OUT). It was as if by not correcting or changing something they weren’t doing their jobs. A friend of mine likened such behavior to dogs peeing on stuff to leave their mark. Thankfully, THAT behavior in humans is frowned upon. The result is that we have found other methods of accomplishing the same goal.

Fact:  WE DON’T LIKE OTHER PEOPLE MOVING OUR CHEESE!  This is an absolute truth at work, at home, even in our cars.  DON’T change my work product just because you would write it differently – that doesn’t make it wrong. DON’T move that vase on my nightstand just because YOU think it looks better a little more to the left. And DON’T EVER change the freakin’ presets on my car radio!!! That’s like immediate grounds for a breakup. Am I right, people??? Just sayin’.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that we be close-minded and defensive in the face of constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is very…constructive. It is a critical part of the learning process. However, there are a few rules to imparting same:
One: Tread lightly. Try to imagine how you would want to receive the information you are about to offer;
Two: Appreciate the relationship between you and your victim, uh, I mean the recipient. For example, if it’s your spouse you are about to criticize, consider some of the “favors” you may be hoping to receive from your spouse in the near future; make sure the sting of criticism will wear off by then;
Three: Choose your words carefully. Just because what you have to say is true doesn’t mean you should “just come right out with it.” Example: “That was the worst meal I’ve even eaten! What, are you trying to kill me?!” Instead maybe say: “Thanks, babe, that was pretty good! Maybe coulda used a little less anchovy paste…?”;
Four: Make sure the person to whom (that’s right. Proper grammar, folks) you are about to offer advice is in fact seeking your opinion. Yeah, that should be Number One.

[Hey, Hon:  How’s that paragraph structure?]

Now if you are on the receiving end of some respectfully presented constructive criticism, here are the rules:

Shut Up! THERE ARE NO RULES, SILLY! Defend yourself (loudly if necessary), argue, stomp off, sulk, dramatically rip-up the paper/toss the food (plates and all) in the trash, or (here’s my favorite) criticize back – starting your retort with “YEAH? WELL YOU…!” (Use anything that comes to mind here. Some examples: are boring, smell weird, are shit at Jenga, suck in bed).

OR you can choose to be mature and give thoughtful consideration to the offered criticism and say something magnanimous like: “Thanks for the feedback. I’ll give that some thought”

…and flip ’em off on your way out the door.